Be kind to yourself now and to those you'll leave behind
Are your most precious things gathered into one place? Are they lost in a sea of other stuff?
Will you leave your things behind or take them with you when you go?
Let's discuss the potentially sobering but ultimately inspiring subject of planning what you leave behind for your loved ones when you’re gone.
I just finished reading the book The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: How to Free Yourself and Your Family from a Lifetime of Clutter.
The Swedish word döstädning is the compound of two Swedish words; dö is “death” and städning is “cleaning”. In English, the two words just got pushed together but there is no true English equivalent.
Döstädning is not about cleaning up after a death, or even cleaning things to prepare to die.
It is about crafting your life and legacy now so that what you leave behind is a reflection of who you really are. It is about making your life easier and less stressful now. And it is about being kind to those you leave behind by not burdening them with all of your things.
Death cleaning is a joyful process
Magnusson says this is not sad.
In fact, it is quite the opposite. It can be fun to find old treasures and laugh over things you held on to and don't need now.
Whether sorting heirlooms from junk, downsizing to smaller living, or making your daily life easier, döstädning is the opportunity to make your later years comfortable and stress-free.
We are living longer lives, which of course means more time to collect more stuff. But it also means we have more time to get rid of things.
We can plan ahead by slimming down what we leave behind – shedding unnecessary objects in favor of what we really need.
My role model for Swedish death cleaning
I was first introduced to the concept by my maternal grandmother, Barbara, though she never would have called it döstädning as she wasn't Swedish.
Barbara lived in New Jersey and chose - on her own - to move to Ohio later in life to be near my mother. She wanted a simple move without a lot of fuss and cost.
So she pared down her belongings.
She donated things to Vietnam Vets and Salvation Army. She carted things to the recycling center and offered many items to friends and family. She kept useful and valuable items and she did not dally over her cheese servers and extra bedding.
Barbara simplified and minimized.
I also believe that she preferred the privacy of not having other people – even her most beloveds – go through her most precious things when she was gone.
Döstädning
And that brings me back to döstädning.
Magnusson is radical and cheerful and, in her own words, somewhere between 80 and 100 years old. She is living through the process as she writes.
Döstädning encourages proactive and mindful clearing of possessions to save relatives from making decisions about what to keep and what to get rid of when you're gone.
There is heaviness in going through your things for those left behind. Questions arise. How can they know why you held on to this or that? Should it be kept? Or not? Would it hurt you to throw it away?
In the book, there are items Magnusson wants to keep only for herself. Things that help her remember events that she may otherwise forget. Ticket stubs. Programs. Letters.
So she creates a “Throw Away Box".
A Throw Away Box contains items of value only to the owner. Magnusson's wish is for her children to simply throw the box away unopened when she dies.
I am sitting with this idea. Honestly, I would be tempted to check the contents of the box when my loved one passes away.
But I would also want to honor their wishes.
You can't take it with you
In reading this book, my takeaway is to reflect on what is really important to me.
In the end, the adage “you can’t take it with you” is literally true. You can't take it with you.
That said, just because you are growing older does not mean you have to get rid of your most precious things.
None of us like to think about death. But you do not have to go very far to find someone today who is worried about clearing out their parents’ garage, or who is worrying about whether their kids or grandkids will want the antique sideboard.
Döstädning is being kind to those you leave behind by leaving less for them to sort, less guesswork on what you meant, and less pain of sorting and sorting out.
This is not a new topic and (ironically) it will never get old. Magnusson gives us a better way to approach our death, lighter and more free, without the baggage of things we just don't need.
When you're ready to tackle your tough organization project, I am here to help you learn how.
Let's RETHINK organization together.
For more information, visit the RETHINK website today.
Mandy Thomas is a professional organizer fulfilling her lifelong passion for creating order out of chaos. She finds joy in helping people tackle their most overwhelming spaces and collections to create their optimal living space and enjoy their homes.
RETHINK organization is on a mission to help you develop long-term patterns of organization that you can maintain and feel good about long after our work together is done.
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